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  1. Testosterone, Logic and Intuition

From the recording MOD PROPHET

Joy in the journey.  I'd always hoped that the road would gently unwind before me as i struggled to ascend to higher heights, while being pushed backwards, by the  continual and daunting symptoms of my many ailments. Just last week, as I was uploading my original songs and past gigs, to this website, i remembered  the anguish and  exhaustion   of supporting myself by delivering telephone books during the  day and  most evenings, I would be performing at the Oakland House, a private  event or a local tavern. My love for composing on the guitar and collaborating on original music with  John DeGrazio and Kyle Hicks saved me from suicidal  thoughts. God always made a way for me to  get fund to produce and record my songs in the studio.  I'll never forget  crying out  to God as I pushed a hand truck loaded with heavy telephone books, wondering why I wasn't touring with my band and respected.   The staggering fatigue from the  Lyme symptoms and  my carbon monoxide poisoning episode made me feel inferior and cursed,  The constant eking out a living wore down my spirits often and i wondered what my destiny was. 

      Angst, disappointment and regret, weighed me down often during my long Dystonia battle. but as I've finally come of age this late in my life, I acquiesce to the reality of Christ being my solid foundation. God's precepts have sheltered me from the sting of hatred, unforgiveness and retaliation. I know that His peace tempers me to have a grateful heart and make the most of every opportunity, however small.  I cherish, Moses' Psalm 90:12.

       Teach us to number our days that we may know wisdom.   

      No need to keep asking  Father God..."why"

       In the past, I often felt ,my creative and musical endeavors were not allowed to bear  the fruit they deserved for whatever reason. i wanted to be successful fashion designer, best selling author, renowned poet or well-loved music icon. too often, my creations had to be postponed indefinitely because of   constant interruptions of lie-threatening illnesses.. Worse yet, fewer and fewer invitations came as people became aware that the TMJ Dystonia symptoms  were diminishing my . I noticed with great anxiety, that my vocal prowess and guitar skill was also strained.  I'd expected  that I'd  get better with age, not worse.

       And so,, I determined in my heart, I would push forward no matter how much it hurt. I could not quit because of what Christ did for me. He destined me to be a conqueror and i was to  be a role model for precious  girls and women whose lives were shattered by trauma. As I scan  the horizon of my future, I'm assured that  He will bring beauty out of the ashes.  Behold, He arose  and redeemed me! 

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