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THE CURE

Checking on my Facebook emails a few days ago, I saw a picture of Jada Pinket Smith. The post announced the suicide death of Miss USA 2019, Cheslie Kryst. I could not believe that such a beautiful , talented and vivacious young woman could end her life and by the time I listened to the accompanying video, I was in tears. I could certainly relate to her struggle and thought about my own many years and accompanying health battles that made my struggle almost unbreakable. The ugly voices of self-loathing, unworthiness and shame hammered me when my symptoms were most vicious and despite having many dreams and goals, I had to postpone endeavors many times.

The hardest thing about severe depression is that only those suffering it can understand. Suicide affects all people of every ethnicity,, religious denomination. and family background. Christians and pastors are no exception o this epidemic. I have read reports of vivacious and devoted young pastors ending their lives. Suicide has devastated the lives and faiths of many families and communities.

I’m compelled to share a word of hope to those who suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts. Because of my faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, I knew thta I was not without hope. Coming from an extremely traumatic family background and upbringing and suffering more traumatic assaults as a young adult, I believed I was born to be cursed and nonredeemable. Bible study, church and prayer did little to assuage this constant battering. But I prayed that god would lead me to some releif. My searching led me to the internet, to Pastor Derrik Prince’s sermon videos on You Tube. Through his anointed teaching, I found that depression is a spirit.

I do not wish to make this a long and complicated bog, but I encourage you to seek the Lord Jesus for your mental and emotional pain. He took on all our infirmities through His redeeming sacrifice and He wishes you to walk in abundance and joy. For some of us with family iniquities and strongholds, (substance abuse, pornography, molestation and physical abuse) the journey may be more difficult. A sensitive and gifted Christian deliverance counselor can help you have victory over depression and any other demonic stronghold.

I also add that certain health issues can also contribute to depression, such as malabsorbtion, diabetes, , toxins, neurotransmitter abnormalities, fluoride, mercury, poor diet, and mold.

Jesus Christ is the only cure for every malady that afflicts mankind. May we not walk in condemnation or judgment to those who can’t get it together as quickly as we can. Get help by calling a suicide hotline. PRAY and ask Jesus to lead you to your source of help.

http://anthemofhope.org/#needsomeonetotalkto

https://www.christiansuicideprevention.com/

https://theactionalliance.org/faith-hope-life/stephen-ministries

Prayer, Heavenly Father, thank you for sending your Son Jesus to be our sacrifice, healer and deliverer. Help me to seek Him with all my heart and connect me with those who walk in victory and authority as they stand with me o be completely delivered and set free! In Jesus name amen.

Joy in the journey.  I'd always hoped that the road would gently unwind before me as i struggled to ascend to higher heights, while being pushed backwards, by the  continual and daunting symptoms of my many ailments. Just last week, as I was uploading my original songs and past gigs, to this website, i remembered  the anguish and  exhaustion   of supporting myself by delivering telephone books during the  day and  most evenings, I would be performing at the Oakland House, a private  event or a local tavern. My love for composing on the guitar and collaborating on original music with  John DeGrazio and Kyle Hicks saved me from suicidal  thoughts. God always made a way for me to  get fund to produce and record my songs in the studio.  I'll never forget  crying out  to God as I pushed a hand truck loaded with heavy telephone books, wondering why I wasn't touring with my band and respected.   The staggering fatigue from the  Lyme symptoms and  my carbon monoxide poisoning episode made me feel inferior and cursed,  The constant eking out a living wore down my spirits often and i wondered what my destiny was. 

      Angst, disappointment and regret, weighed me down often during my long Dystonia battle. but as I've finally come of age this late in my life, I acquiesce to the reality of Christ being my solid foundation. God's precepts have sheltered me from the sting of hatred, unforgiveness and retaliation. I know that His peace tempers me to have a grateful heart and make the most of every opportunity, however small.  I cherish, Moses' Psalm 90:12.

       Teach us to number our days that we may know wisdom.   

      No need to keep asking  Father God..."why"

       In the past, I often felt ,my creative and musical endeavors were not allowed to bear  the fruit they deserved for whatever reason. i wanted to be successful fashion designer, best selling author, renowned poet or well-loved music icon. too often, my creations had to be postponed indefinitely because of   constant interruptions of lie-threatening illnesses.. Worse yet, fewer and fewer invitations came as people became aware that the TMJ Dystonia symptoms  were diminishing my . I noticed with great anxiety, that my vocal prowess and guitar skill was also strained.  I'd expected  that I'd  get better with age, not worse.

       And so,, I determined in my heart, I would push forward no matter how much it hurt. I could not quit because of what Christ did for me. He destined me to be a conqueror and i was to  be a role model for precious  girls and women whose lives were shattered by trauma. As I scan  the horizon of my future, I'm assured that  He will bring beauty out of the ashes.  Behold, He arose  and redeemed me! 

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